Senan Of Somerset
Senan Of Somerset

The Cost

As an addendum to the My Path article “Eider Down”, here is a more detailed account of the encounter I had with the second celibate.
So to read it in context I would recommend you read (or re-read) the article first – Click here.


Some time ago, I was privileged to interview a Solitary Christian in the latter half of his life about his time on earth and the decisions he had made. The underlying theme was one of a simple desire to meet with, commune with, and simply experience the love of his Creator. “To become more Christ-like as a simple offering of the self, however unpromising the raw material may be. That has been my goal, and to an extent, my ecstatic privilege”.

I asked if he had any regrets.

He replied,

“So many people always reply that they have no regrets… I think the majority of them are lying. I have many regrets, but I’m afraid those are things that I will not share with you now, save one: I do not regret my decision to pursue my God and Creator in solitude and to try to understand His love for me, expressed in His life incarnate, and ultimately His death on the Cross. But…”,

He paused for some moments as if to gather his thoughts.

“I think I would have liked to have shared this with someone… Yes I have shared my experience through my written and spoken words, but a closer more intimate sharing of these things with a soul-mate… I think that’s the only thing I have missed… No regrets…”. To my surprise and privilege he then shared some of his dreams as a younger man of meeting such a soul mate. An account filled with such hope, desire, and yes, a tinge of regret. It simply left me in tears. His thoughts were private soulful and I feel should remain as a private discussion, but I did write the following inspired by his words after our encounter.


The Cost

I dream of kneeling at the altar next to the one I love.
A confession to my Creator and to my Love of all that is past
A humble ask to start anew
Not only in my life but with the one that I cannot live without.

The music of the lamenting pipes
So sad yet cleansing to my soul
Sorrow for what has past and hope for joy for what is to come
A few days or years in the arms of one who understands and wants to share

I have dreamed so, so oft of this sorrow and joy
Maybe just the tears are enough to quench my thirst.
A perfect vision and likely far from the real.
Yet to yearn once more I must, if only to feel alive.

So if she were to kneel beside me,
I will well up with tears of unbounded joy
And I would simply say to her

“Your past is your business
And your future will be my privilege”.


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